New Beginings

Isn't it always hard to make a new start? I feel like people get into this funk of not wanting to change but wanting to change at the same time. For example, I would like to live a healthier lifestyle, not only for myself but for my children, but even though I want that, I have zero desire/motivation to get started. I know what I have to do, I know what needs to be done and I just dont want to do it but do at the same time. Why is change so dang hard? It is a neccissity. Change is nature. We have to if we want to progress in any sort of way. And yet, knlowing that, it is still difficult! It can be so scary to begin anew, even when you know its a good thing to do. I think there is that fear of failing at the new thing but also fear of disappointing others too. My husband it starting a new job and though he knows its a better opportunity, and a neccissity for our family to be better provided for, he is still worried. He's afraid of disappointing his current boss with the news he's leaving along with the fear of starting a new job. One that he will be trained for. I have every faith in my husband, he loves his family and doesn't take the responsibility as a provider lightly. But I know how difficult this change will be for him. He loves his job and the people he works with. And he doesn't want to leave them without help but I have to remind him that that isn't his job. It just proves to me what kind of person he is. Not that I need convincing, I know what kind of person my amazing husband is. I am grateful for his love, his kindness and for his hardworking spirit.

Long TIme

Well, look what I found here! A blog I haven't written on in ages. Some catching up may be in order. I have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl. Time is flying by and I can't seem to slow it down any. I used to think that growing up would take forever. And as a child, it seemed to take forever, but now that I have children....it seems to be in a rush. I want to savor these moments with my kids. They are learning and growing so quickly! I used to think that my kids would be babies forever and that I would have all the time in the world to spend with them, watch them play and grow. Now all I can say is that they are growing at such a rapid pace! My youngest is already turning 2 and is beginning to speak so much more. My middle one is already registered for kindergarten and my oldest is going into 3rd grade! How has it come to this point already?! In just a few short years all my kids will be in school and I can only imagine how lonely I'll feel. I know I'm being selfish, but I want them with me. It's always a fine line of wanting them around constantly and wanting them to grow and experience new things. I wish I could slow the clock down, even if its just for a little bit. The challenge with them growing up so quick is that I am sad but also, I'm excited for their journey. I'm so excited to see what kind of teenagers and young adults these incredible humans will become. I'm excited for the next phase of their lives. I'm stoked that I'll get to help them navigate some of the hardships I know they'll face because I've been there before. I trust that these young spirits I've been entrusted with will continue to florish and become wonderful people. I just hope I don't mess them up too much. I have a very blessed life. I am grateful for the amazing children I have been given and the wonderful man I get to spend eternity with. I used to dream about what my life would look like as a teenager. I used to wonder what married life would be like or what kind of mom I'd be. Or how many kids I'd have. Funnily enough, my life looks nothing like I thought it would as a kid. I triuly had no concept of what it meant to be a mother or wife. I honestly don't know what I was thinking before, but I can say, my life is better than I ever thought it could be. I'm not saying that I don't have troubles or trials, I do. But all of it pales in comparison to the joy I've been given. It's humbling to look at the blessings I have in my life and it makes those trials a lot easier to work through. I love my husband and children. I'm thankful families are forever.

Time Will Tell

Well I realize this has been a very long time since I've blogged anything. For starters, I have a 3 year old son now, I have another son on the way! Due in June! I can hardly believe it! I also have my 10 year High School reunion this summer. Which is insane! It doesn't feel like its been 10 years since High School. And at other times.....it really does. I'll have been married 5 years and will have 2 babies by the time my reunion hits. Time has flown by, literally. I've been coaching water polo for 3 years now too. I have a hard time realizing that even. I spend a lot of time with High School students and I think "oh i'm not that much older than you..." then I spend time talking to these students and then I realize, "oh yeah, i'm way older than all of you." Maturity levels and topics are vastly different than what I would normally would hear with my own age group. It makes me chuckle, because I have realized I no longer have to deal with the concerns a high school student would. For obvious reasons, since i'm not a high school student, but it was a weird realization that i am beyond that. I've already lived some of their dramas/concerns. I already know the outcome of a lot of their problems. Weirdly enough, it makes me feel a little wiser for my own issues. And to seek out the knowledge/advice of someone who may have experienced the same things I will go through. Its a comfort to know I can turn to someone i trust.

Questions

As I've grown up, I've come to understand that sometimes we ask questions of people that are truly personal and we treat it as trivial. For example, we joke with friends and family about when they will have children. Now as simple and innocent as this question is, its an extremely loaded and personal inquiry. Asking someone, jokingly, when they will have kids can cause some issues. What if they've been trying to have children and have been unsuccessful? Or if they just found out they couldn't have any? Or that, because of medical issues, getting pregnant could be an extremely difficult task and it could cause them great distress just bringing it up. Or maybe, they just miscarried and hadn't told anyone. That we trivialize such an important and sacred thing, makes it seem like their struggle is not a big deal. Or we don't value their efforts. I feel like we treat peoples struggles, that are very difficult for them, as ridiculous or meaningless. Because we see that it's not too bad or it's not something that's hard for us to deal with. Or my favorite one "well it could be worse...", yes it very well could be worse, but that doesn't take away their struggle or their feelings about what they're going through. I think if we would take a moment, and feel some empathy towards other human beings, then we would have better relationships. I am also a victim of this kind of thinking, the "suck it up and move on" mentality. Now, in some circumstances, that mentality is good to have, things that truly are trivial are good to get over. But when someone has a broken heart, or an intense struggle, then we should show kindness, thoughtfulness, and understanding. Most of the time, all anyone wants, is someone to recognize their struggle. To know they hurt, and they aren't alone with that pain. When my little boy falls down, I usually say "You're okay. Just get up. You're fine." Now in some ways this is a good approach. Because it teaches him to work through a struggle. But at the same time, he's 2. And all he wants is his mommy to show some love, give him a hug, kiss his ouchy, and say "I know it hurts, but you'll be alright, I'm here." Sometimes, we need to extend that courtesy to those around us. Another weird comment or question that people ask a lot is about breastfeeding. Whether or not you do or don't somehow dictates how good or qualified a mother you are. That formula feeding is somehow less better than breastfeeding. And yes, breast milk is very good for your growing baby, but guess what, so is formula. Comments about breast feeding in pubic, are totally unnecessary. If women can walk around half naked and no one cares. Then what is the big deal about someone feeding their child in a public setting? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with it. I don't understand why someone feels the need to comment to a mother who is doing her best to supply nutrients for their child, who is exhausted, stressed, and already nervous about feeding them in public, about it. And to make them feel bad. It serves no real purpose other than showing that you're a hypocritical jerk. A simple kind word to a random person, can change their day. Maybe a smile to someone on the street. Telling someone they look beautiful, even when you can see that they don't feel that way about themselves. Everyone deserves to feel beautiful, to feel valued for more than their appearance. That their struggles will pass and that those around them can show understanding, rather than judgement. Too often we are quick to judge. Either about appearance, personality, experiences they've had, anything that makes a person different in a negative way to our own lives. I catch myself judging people according to some of these things. And for a good portion of them, i am wrong. Not always, sometimes I get a feeling about a person and its not wrong. But that isn't always the case. Anyway, my opinion on this discussion is done. What I really hope to have gotten across is that, not everyone is what you think they are and sometimes we ought to be more kind, tolerant, and understanding.

Stupid Teenagers

Well, lets see...not sure exactly what to write. Maybe I'm just rambling on here because its late and I'm bored. Water Polo is almost over. Thank goodness, cause I've had it up to here with all these teenage girls. I am not a drama person. I don't like it, I don't usually deal with drama or dramatic people, and I have had so much drama this season. It never fails. Almost every season, always at the end, we get these girls who cause all this drama crap. EVERY YEAR....if I could, I think I would only coach the Boys season. Boys are more dedicated, work harder, more aggressive with the sport, and overall, are so much easier to work with. They don't cause a bunch of drama. If they are mad about something, they punch the guy and then its over with. None of this back stabbing, bad mouthing, drama that the girls do. It's always about the sport with the guys, they always just want to get better. And I love that. THe girls are always so worried about what they look like or if they are going to look stupid because they don't know everything about the sport. Let me tell you, the boys couldn't care less if they look dumb. The guys just want to play. And the girls hold these grudges for decades! its so STUPID. The guys just want to beat the other team...which is what the girls should do. But they psych themselves out over the stupidest thing. And the girls get so distracted by boyfriends. Guys who have girlfriends, never skip practice to be with them. Sports are always the priority for the guys. It just astounds me that these girls would do that. I had a boyfriend in high school. He understood that I had team practice and would come support me at games and I understood he had his own life and responsibilities. It was never this needy, whiny, insecurity that these athletes/teenagers have now. I knew who I was, I knew what I wanted (to play polo or swim) and nothing, boy, injury, etc. would get in my way. I have always been an athlete. So I don't understand this generations lack of commitment to their sport. It just boggles my mind. I have never met a more disinterested generation. Its all about the social media (snapchat, facebook, instagram). How many likes and smileys they can get somehow adds up to their self worth. Maybe I am lucky that I've always been sure of who I am. At least sure of who I am as a human being. That, yes, others opinions do matter, but not everyone's opinion. Anyway, that's enough of my ranting. I hope that my future children will know who they are and be comfortable with that. I hope my little Sullivan will grow to be a confident young man who is comfortable with life and who he will become. I hope what someone might take from this isn't that I think all teenagers nowadays are stupid shallow idiots. I just hope that these kids will learn to be who they are without all this social media crap. Cause it doesn't matter how many likes a person gets, that doesn't show how much you are valued as a person. Actual relationships with people, who genuinely love and care for them is what matters. Loving acts of kindness, charity, and love, along with common courtesy for our fellow man, will show what kind of person you are. Dedicated to their sports, school, family, religion, etc., without just quitting in the middle because it gets too difficult. But actually finishing what they start with 100% and using what they learn to help with future life experiences and events.

Growing up

Growing up is so difficult. For adults and for children. It's almost as if, while Sullivan is growing up, I'm growing up a second time. When I was little I figured I would grow up and then stop. But as I have gotten older and different life experiences happen, I realize, no one ever truly grows up and stops. We all continue to grow up slowly, even after we think we are all done growing. 

I do suppose no one truly ever finishes growing up and has that complete knowledge of life. Maybe that's where wisdom comes in. I know some very wise people, but every now and then they don't act so "grown up". And I'm not talking about maturity. I've met some immature "adults" and some very mature "children". I think it's a mix of trying to grow and progress, and to come to a knowledge of truth. 

At least for myself, I feel that's what growing up means. Not just simply maturing but coming to truth and accepting things for how they are and learning from it. 

Time

It has been quite a long time since I've written on my blog! Sometimes I forget I have one. Well lets see, I'm married to Blake, I have a son named Sullivan, I still have my cat (Mousse) and I no longer own a dog. Such a lot has happened in the last few years. Sullivan is almost 2! Which is insane to think that time has gone by so fast. And i coach both boys and girls water polo at Rogers High School. And i love it. but sometimes i wonder how long i should keep it up. How long is too long to coach. how short is too short? will i regret stopping. will i regret continuing for too long? These are questions i suppose only time will answer. i know i'll be continuing on at least for another year. But perhaps when Blake and i decide to make our little family bigger, i'll stop coaching then. Who knows. Blake will be going to school this upcoming year. I cant believe it'll be 2016! I also can't believe I'll be 27 in January or that it's been 8 years since I graduated High School! Where does the time go!? Why wasn't I paying attention? I hope that I wont let these next few years blow by me. I don't want to miss anything important and look back and wonder why I didn't take the time to stop and enjoy life. Like spending actual quality time with my family. Or missing Sullivan growing up because i was too focused on selfish things. Opportunity wont knock a second time, at least not in the same way.

Friends

Having good friends is the best! My friend Marissa a.k.a. "Hefty", is so stinking hilarious! And she's just awesome. I can always count on her to be honest with me and she's always good at lifting my spirits when I'm feeling down. We are kindred spirits, that's for sure. :) Not to say we don't have differences, we do. But they are very small to say the least. I am very blessed to have such a good friend in my life.

Life, It's always a surprise

My life is always full of surprises. And that's alright. I don't mind surprises! I am pregnant and I am not sure what gender my baby will be, since I haven't seen a doctor yet. Which is kinda dumb...to be honest. But we're super excited!! I can't wait to add to my little family. Right now it's just me and blake, and my cat and dog. So, needless to say we're excited for a baby! People ask me if i want a boy or a girl first, and to be honest, all i want is a healthy baby. :)