Things I've realized....

There are some things I've come to realize over the years:

1. Not everyone will see things the way I do. And that's okay.
2. Maturity does not come with age
3. When life seems perfect/great, something will come and try to ruin it.
4. There is always a nice way to tell people something important. Even when it could hurt their feelings
5. Don't let your passions rule your reasoning
6. People are stupid
7. Change is a good thing
8. Life is never fair, get over it

Now I've known these things. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I just noticed them. But lately they've been cropping up more and more in my recent life. And every once in awhile I notice that I do these things or whatnot. But I try not to. I realize that my way isn't always the best or most efficient. So letting others help me or tell me other ways of doing things isn't trying to demean me or say I'm not intelligent. It just means there is never one way to look at something and thus, creates an opportunity to learn. That goes along with maturity, realizing that you aren't always right and take the criticism with stride. Learn from it. Don't let one thing impede your life. Allowing your passions to take control of your life never really benefits anyone. There is a difference between being passionate about something and letting your passions control your actions. We can't always control our atmosphere/environment, but we can always control ourselves/responses. In a world full of chaos, serenity can be achieved by taking a deep breath and stepping back to get a full view of what you are looking at. Self evaluate every once in awhile. Take a firm hold of your life and say "This is where I NEED to be and this is what I need to do to achieve it" It isn't as hard as we make it seem in our minds.
Things and people come and go in our lives. Try not to let it bother you. You may think that someone/thing will always be a part of your life. Well to be honest...that's not true at all. People I thought would be in my life forever aren't anymore. And people I least expected to be a part of my life are now a significant part. Specific people come at very specific times, it is never random. They do their part in either helping you to progress or they stunt your progression. But either way you have learned something. You either figure out that you don't need that or you find out you needed help more then you would have guessed. But either way those people have served their purpose. Accepting that fact, that you cant always have what you want, will greatly be to your advantage. It can help you with later struggles in life, to realize not everything is under your control.
Change is hard. Rarely have I noticed an easy change in my experiences. Change is usually meaningful either for better or worse. But still important. Learning from change or trials that change us is always important. We may not like the changes but either way we have to accept them. Why deny that something is different? It is inevitable for change to occur. We cannot stop it. Nor should you try to stop change. People/things are always going to change or be different. Now trying to elicit a change in a person, other then yourself, is difficult. Trying to force change were none is wanted or needed will never get a positive response. Instead what usually occurs is a negative one. Either they will tenaciously stick to the thing you are trying to change about them or they will push you away. And neither party will profit. Instead it just creates a void in that relationship. For someone to change it has to be their own will/wanting. I have never met someone who wanted to change because people told them to. Now changing for another person rarely works out. Because if that person leaves or is no longer a part of your life then what? You changed for them and it didn't matter. They didn't appreciate that you changed. Always make changes to better yourself. Never to try and please someone else. People will learn to like and accept you for who you are, unconditionally. If they don't then they aren't important. Why be friends with someone who doesn't appreciate your friendship? What would be the point of compromising yourself for them? They hold you in no value. So simply remove them from your life. It's that simple.

Weather

I am loving this weather! I love the rain it makes my day so much better! It is fan-freaking-tastic!! and yet i am sitting in an office making phone calls...good grief I'm bored! it's not like its hard work but my goodness it gets boring saying the same thing over and over again for 4 hours. *sighs* well whatev its a paycheck! :) soon i will have at least some money to pay for at least gasoline! It doesn't help that I'm starving as well. I ate frozen strawberries for breakfast....what a stupid idea! hahaha...I only say its stupid because now that my metabolism is up and running I'm even more hungry then normal. I'm not used to eating breakfast this early in the morning. Now you may think that 10am isn't early. And you're right...it's not. BUT I didn't eat at 10am I ate at 7am! so HA! :P I didn't eat breakfast yesterday and I didn't get hungry till at least 1pm...which was great since I got off work at 1pm. But now I must suffer for eating delicious frozen things in the morning...gay...
And on top of a boring/hungry morning...I got locked out of the office I am working in. hahaha. Not gonna lie I feel kind of retarded. I work in a smaller office within a big main office area and no one else was in the main office...or so I thought. But I had to use the bathroom so I left and the door was open and then when I came back the door was shut and locked! Least to say I was slightly surprised when I saw that! :P But all worked out in the end. I found Edrease and he opened the door for me and then I was able to get back to work making phone calls and listening to music. How exciting my life is.........................not.
BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED...can you tell what I am right now?

Ms. Universe

i'm watching ms. universe...i'm interested in what drives such woman to go through all of that for a crown. what on earth would make them really want it in the first place? who asks themselves "well i'm hot...why not join a competition against equally attractive women who all are fighting for a crown?" makes no sense to me. now i understand a sports competition but i cannot understand what is to be gained by walking across a stage in skimpy outfits for the world to see and giving answers to questions that are rehearsed. now i understand there are great perks like custom clothing, shoes, professional makeup and hair, jewelry, photoshoots, and traveling....who wouldn't want that i suppose...and no i'm not jealous. i just am curious as to the motive of why. maybe i just gave the answer with the perks...but things of the world aren't all that important.

hahahahahahahah

quote of the night: "redrum....its like murder!" hahahahaha

Delusions

Megan is in denial. She keeps saying its not going to be a date and even though he wont think its a date....she will eventually think its a date. She can lie to herself but I really know her. I know her mind process........muahahahahahahaha!

:D

SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!

Drowning

Good morning day
Sorry I’m not there
But all my favorite friends
Vanished in the air
It’s hard to fly when you can’t even run
Once I had the world, but now I’ve got no one

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown….drown

Good morning day
Sorry you’re not here
All those times before
We’re never this unclear
It’s hard to walk when you can’t even crawl
Once I had this world, but now I’ve lost it all

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown

Rolling faster than I’m breathing
Drown
Rolling faster than I’m breathing
Drown
Rolling faster than I’m breathing

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
(Save myself before I drown, save myself before I drown, save myself before I drown)

Never Enough

I'm so fed up with everyone around me...(No one seems to care)I'm just so far gone and nothing's gonna change..(I'll never be the same.It's always do this, do that,
Everything they want to...I don't want to live that way...Every chance they get they're always..Pushin me away.It's never enough.No it's never enough.No matter what I say...It's never enough.No it's never enough..I'll never be what you want me to be...It's all so messed up and no one ever listens...(Everyone's deranged)...I'm just so messed up and I'm never gonna change...(Wanna lay it all to waste)...They're always say this, say that,Nothing that you want to..I don't want to live that way
Every chance they get they're always..Shovin me aside!I'm DONE!In the end we're all just chalklines on the concrete...Drawn only to be washed away..For the time that I've been given..I am what I am.I'd rather hate you..For everything you are.Than ever love you...For something you are not.I'd rather you hate me...For everything I am.Than have you love me.For something that I can't...It's never enough...It's never enough...No matter what I say...No matter who i try to be...No it's never enough
No matter how I try to change.Never never enough..I'll never be what you want me to be.
-Five Finger Death Punch

And I am fine...

Some days are worse then others...yesterday and today....yeah......the loneliness rages on. We all suffer from doubts...on the outside I look fine maybe even appear happy, its a lie. I'm not happy. I'm lying to you when I say I'm okay or that nothing is wrong. I'm overwhelmed with this torrent of emotion...I don't like it. I don't want to feel...A lot of the time I used to view things with a vague disinterest...but now, I can't. Now the nightmare is real...but I wont feel...a thing. I can't allow myself to be drawn into the game. I don't like the rules...so I'm going to change them. I simply wont play. The problem with caring for people is that you get hurt too. And for what? What do I get out of it besides pain? Nothing...I get absolutely nothing. Except more pain and loneliness and even jealousy...which leads to anger. Which I usually am...I am always angry. I don't look it. But trust me...I am. I shouldn't wish I was someone else. I shouldn't want to be anyone but myself. But what if I'm not good enough? Because no matter how hard I try it never seems to be enough, for anyone, let alone myself. I don't know why I vent my thoughts on here. It's pointless. I can't adequately describe my thoughts or feelings why bother really to try and write them down. It makes no difference.