Nice Guys Don't Always Finish Last.

I like guys. Not usually a specific "type" of guy as today's society puts it. But I generally lean more towards the nerd population. I like smart guys. Its refreshing to have a conversation about more then just sports. (Though as an athletic nerd myself I do enjoy sports) But generally I find that guys who are "nerd" types are way better to like in the first place. Since, like any semi-normal female, I enjoy being treated nicely or of value to the opposite sex, they generally do treat you better then the "jock" or "musician". No girl likes to feel stupid and guys who purposefully try to make me feel stupid get to meet the "verbally abusive" Brenda. Which is not often but on occasion can happen. I generally try to treat people in a courteous manner. Why be rude? There is no point to that. Though I will be forced to retaliate if I am mistreated.

Men or boys seem to confuse the crap out of me. Generally I have a pretty good grip on them but lately not at all. When they say one thing and do another then what they say, it creates a problem. Mass confusion and irritation are usually the response to such actions. But alas, I have the tendency to just take it. I don't respond with how I actually feel I just say "fine" or "Okay, I understand". I have found this is not always the best thing to do. It tends to leave it in the guys mind that they can treat me poorly. So I have decided that I'll be honest with men (but people in general also) when I find something that has effected me in a negative way that they've done. Why should I constantly keep my feelings to myself when they have freely expressed theirs? Its not like I'm going to burst into tears and cry. No, that's just obnoxious in the first place. So I have progressively removed guys who have treated me bad from my social life or life in general. It makes life that much more simple.

Nice guys are by far the best. I have been pretty blessed with my guy friends. Most, if not all, are usually very kind to me. They let me invade their space ever now and again for a hug. I love hugs so it just makes my life that much better that they let me hug them. So basically if you want to be my friend just give me hugs and I'll be nice to you forever. If you are wanting to be more then a friend that's a whole different story. Usually that requires a hug and at least a date (hahaha not always though). I don't have huge "requirements" for guys. Mainly just be nice to me, smell good, be intelligent and funny. There is always a small element of physical attraction but usually a guys personality will win out way over that. As long as I can just enjoy being around that person that's all I really want. I've found that nice guys are the only one's a can put my trust in. And that is very important to me. Past experiences have caused me to become very closed about personal things, but the only guys I ever really share things with tend to be nice ones.

Mainly because life has taught me that I can't always trust the male population. They have alterior motives, in general not always, towards females. I'd like to believe not all males are this way. So I try to be friends with people, or males, that I can trust. That I don't have to worry will use what I share with them against me. (which has happened multiple times to me, thus my reasons for lack of trust). It is a slow and difficult process for me to accomplish but I have come a long way. Not all guys are jerks as some women like to say. On the contrary a lot of the male population is quite nice. I think that women mainly claim that because they have been treated poorly by a small population of males that our society has deemed the "social acceptable" male.

Anthropologically that is incorrect. Unfortunately society decides what is the "ideal" male. But as you may have noticed that specification changes with each generation. In the 1920's the super skinny tall males were considered the most attractive and ideal. Then as society and social norms changed, so did the ideal. It gradually changed to the muscular and tall male. Ones who were assertive in their masculinity. Just as the ideal has changed for women as well. Back in the late 1800's large women were considered beautiful (still valid in some cultures world wide today)whereas the thin women were considered less then desirable. Mainly because if you were a large women it meant that you were wealthy enough to feed yourself. Now in today's society that isn't the case. Generally the overly thin supermodels are considered beautiful and the large women not-so-much. Though I have found among my male friends that girls who are "curvy" are much more desirable. One of my friends said he likes "curvy" girls because he doesn't want to feel like he's hugging himself when he hugs someone. So I assume that's a valid reason of any. I tend to try and ignore social norms and like a person for who they are and not for what society or anyone else thinks I should like. I'm assuming that most guys like a variety of girls, very rarely have I come across a male who refuses to compromise in his liking for someone. But then again it all depends on the male. I don't pretend to understand the way guys think. On the contrary I rarely can understand their line of thought. But I've come to notice that though, among a few of my male friends, they think they wont find that "special someone", that isn't true. All of the couples I've observed the husbands are the nice ones. The one's who are not I've come to notice aren't always the happiest, and tend to enjoy bachelorhood thinking they are awesome for it. Personally I'd rather have a happy nice guy then a man who isn't content to be with their spouse/girlfriend. Then again, maybe I'm just weird. But its one of my quirks to be a bit odd. I can be very socially awkward at times.

Outlook

So I find that when I dress nice, not necessarily dressed up, but just well put together I think better of myself and I have a better day. Small decisions can make a large impact.

Everything Happens for a Reason

There is a single sentence in the human language that just drives me crazy. "Everything happens for a reason". That is a down right bucket of crap right there. As a matter of fact everything doesn't happen for a reason. Actually things happen because of our actions. Things are not preordained to just happen. NO. This is why we have free will. This is why we have the ability to think for ourselves. If we didn't then by saying "Everything happens for a reason" is simply justifying yourself and not taking responsibility for your actions. You have just given up the right to think. We have agency but with that comes responsibility. Without consequences to reinforce what's right and what's wrong then that sentence "everything happens for a reason" is then made valid. Instead of stepping up and accepting the consequences, by admitting you did something wrong, you instead look to blame someone or something. For example, if I was to shoot someone and you asked me if I killed them I would say "no the bullet did. I just happened to be there when they died." or I could say "well everything happens for a reason and they were meant to die anyway I just stepped up and helped them out." No, I would go to jail for murder. Yes, that was an extreme example, sure, but what I'm trying to get at is that people can't just cop out and say everything happens for a reason. Things happen because we make choices and act on those choices and that's when things start to happen. Not before. You can play the "what-if" game all you want but when you get right down to it you made your choice. You can't go back. What's done is done. All you can do now is either continue doing good things or fix the things you messed up. But at least admit to yourself you messed up. Don't go around blaming everyone else for your problems. That's the most petty form of immaturity.

Every Saint has a Past, every Sinner has a Future

...................yeah......

Truth of things

What does this life hold for us? I realized something last night. I said "I'm a single...Nothing is going to happen to me until I get married." Just thinking back on that single thought...I realized how stupid that is. I have a purpose right now. I don't need to have a family to feel useful or to have a purpose. I need to start now. I need to keep myself busy and do things that are productive. No wonder I'm bored all the time. I never do anything productive or useful. And yes I need to feel useful and not lazy. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in a rut or that I have nothing to look forward to. My life isn't as bad as I make it sound. In fact I am pretty blessed in my life. I have a family that loves me and supports me and friends who are awesome. What do I really have to complain about? Nothing. Anything that goes wrong in my life is my own fault. What ever consequences that happen to me is because I did it. Not someone else. I can't blame people for my mistakes. Its about time I listened to those around me who have more experience and knowledge. Why flounder with something when I have someone I trust throwing me the lifeline to help. How foolish to waste all that energy fighting against the truth. The reality is that what exists, exists. No matter how much I want it to be different or change isn't going to make the truth go away. I can't ignore the truth when its staring me in the face. To ignore the truth of how things are is stupid. I just need to except the truth and then move forward. Think of the solution. Not the problem. If I focus so much on the problem then I will never find the answer I need.

hmmmm....i got nothin

Yeah this is basically what I got today...a whole lot of nothin. I'm bored and I have no actual work to do. And thanks to Jill I am now addicted to bubble spinner. Which is probably one of the most stupid FB games ever...but I cant help but play it. FOR HOURS....hahah so thank you Jill! ;)But really I am just annoyed with myself. i haven't been very productive lately.

HUH!?

You know it would be nice to know who is working with me and who isn't. I have a bunch of brand new tutors working with me but my boss didn't tell me who they were. So I'm thinking that there aren't any tutors on shift and here I find out that there are about 4. How aggravating. *sighs*

I'm gettin bugged...

My patience has reached its limits with people being stupid. I'm not going to put up with it any longer. If you are going to be mean to me or petty. Then you are not going to be a part of my life any longer. I'm done with it. Its stupid and unnecessary. There is no good reason to be rude or cruel. Just because your life sucks doesn't give you the right to treat people like crap. And try to make them miserable like yourself. The only other person I know who tries to make people miserable all the time is Satan. So go have fun and be best friends with Satan because just like I do to him I'm going to expel you from my life. I don't need you in it just like I do with him I will keep you away from me.

Workin hard...

Working two jobs one right after the other is starting to wear me out. Which is ridiculous because I used to do things that were twice as hard as my current jobs! I'm a secretary in the day and fair ride operator at night. And the ride I operate isn't all that difficult. But goodness...I am exhausted! I have been getting to bed late and then getting up early. But I used to get up at 5am to swim for 2 hours and now I can barely get up at 7am! How pathetic! But since I'm only getting 3-4 hours of sleep...no wonder I'm tired :P *Sighs* I think I'm getting sick on top of everything else too...Ugh....Too late now. I gave my word and I'm working everyday...no days off.