Feelings...

How interesting it is to realize that your own emotions are in a constant state of flux. Never ceasing or relenting. For once in my life I would love to feel….peace. Just an over whelming calm…instead of the constant ever changing roller coaster. Emotions like indecision, fear, love, rage, torment and agony….loneliness is a big one for me. I feel disconnected from my family and friends. Over analyzing the world around me…always rationalizing things. Wishing that I could just cease to feel. But I prefer the heart ache more then that numbing loneliness. That sweet beautiful oblivion....to not feel sometimes I think would be glorious, to just not care at all....but at the same time...to feel so utterly alone like that, would be unimaginable. Sometimes I find that I disregard my own thoughts and feelings and take on my friends or families problems....which is just how I am in general. I love my friends and I want them to be as happy as possible. And if that means I have to set aside my own petty problems then I willingly do. But I realize I cant always allow that...I can't always just shove my cares to the side. I understand that everyone has problems and that everyone thinks theirs are the most important. I even can accept that fact of life. Feeling lost most of the time is rather exasperating...it makes me very tired. Kind of like being angry...it's a waste of time. Really when you want to think about it. Being angry doesn't help anyone, and usually just exhausts you...Rationally none of this really is important. It doesn't change anything. I may vent or complain, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel.....well lack of feelings. I don't like this...