tired

I really kinda hate life....not always...sometimes life is good but for the most part its kinda sucky...what a sad realization. It seems I need to change that aspect of myself. I need to stop lookin at everything as if it was horrible...I used to have such a bright outlook on life. I was excited for the future and what it had for me. What changed? why is it different now? Why did I let my pain wrap around me like a sodden blanket that wont let go? Interesting....Why wont I let it go...what's wrong with me? Is it my deep insecurities....I'm not as beautiful as the rest of my family, I'll never look like that, can't anyone love me who doesn't have to?.......No one can know me....not the real me....I put up a barrier every time. One or two people actually know how I am...only one has actually accepted me. I don't know if I can take it anymore. Always pushing people away...

cramps suck

yes they really do

sad thoughts

I guess I thought you'd be here forever...Another illusion I chose to create. You don't know what you got until it's gone.... And I found out just a little too late. Now being without you....takes a lot of getting used to...I should learn to live with it...but I don't want to! Living without you...is all a big mistake. Instead of getting easier...It's the hardest thing to take.............

deep thoughts?

Turning, twisting, writhing against invisible restraints....longing to be released....raging in silence. wanting to scream...lips sealed shut...jaws clenched...muscles rigid with tension.....this would be the monster in me...waiting.......insanity looming....magnificence is waiting to be revealed...but hides away in the deep recesses of my mind....aching to come to the surface....resistance built up....

Rationally none of this is real. But feelings are rarely rational.

running around the kitchen

I LOVE ENERGY DRINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ludicrous

I wish I could express myself in a way befitting how I actually view things. I mean....its irksome to realize that I think and speak contrary to what is normal in todays world. I use words that most people don't use or even know existed. Its rather pathetic. Our education levels are decreasing. Its such a waste...Intelligence is a value that the world seems to have undermined until recently. I wonder why that change. I wonder if humanity is tired of being imbecils.

Clue.....

Ms. Scarlet: Do you miss him?
Mrs. White:...well, its really a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead I have a life.

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine or other women's?
Colonel Mustard: Yours.
Mrs. White: Five.
Colonel Mustard: Five?
Mrs. White: Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft strong and disposable.
Colonel Mustard: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.
Mrs. White: Flies are where men are most vulnerable.
Colonel Mustard: Right!

Mrs. White: That's right, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her... SO MUCH... it was flaming, flames, FLAMES... on the side of my face... heaving breaths, heaving...

Delicious

Oreos and milk....best things ever.

what

Who am I? I think everyone askes themselves this question.