Questions

As I've grown up, I've come to understand that sometimes we ask questions of people that are truly personal and we treat it as trivial. For example, we joke with friends and family about when they will have children. Now as simple and innocent as this question is, its an extremely loaded and personal inquiry. Asking someone, jokingly, when they will have kids can cause some issues. What if they've been trying to have children and have been unsuccessful? Or if they just found out they couldn't have any? Or that, because of medical issues, getting pregnant could be an extremely difficult task and it could cause them great distress just bringing it up. Or maybe, they just miscarried and hadn't told anyone. That we trivialize such an important and sacred thing, makes it seem like their struggle is not a big deal. Or we don't value their efforts. I feel like we treat peoples struggles, that are very difficult for them, as ridiculous or meaningless. Because we see that it's not too bad or it's not something that's hard for us to deal with. Or my favorite one "well it could be worse...", yes it very well could be worse, but that doesn't take away their struggle or their feelings about what they're going through. I think if we would take a moment, and feel some empathy towards other human beings, then we would have better relationships. I am also a victim of this kind of thinking, the "suck it up and move on" mentality. Now, in some circumstances, that mentality is good to have, things that truly are trivial are good to get over. But when someone has a broken heart, or an intense struggle, then we should show kindness, thoughtfulness, and understanding. Most of the time, all anyone wants, is someone to recognize their struggle. To know they hurt, and they aren't alone with that pain. When my little boy falls down, I usually say "You're okay. Just get up. You're fine." Now in some ways this is a good approach. Because it teaches him to work through a struggle. But at the same time, he's 2. And all he wants is his mommy to show some love, give him a hug, kiss his ouchy, and say "I know it hurts, but you'll be alright, I'm here." Sometimes, we need to extend that courtesy to those around us. Another weird comment or question that people ask a lot is about breastfeeding. Whether or not you do or don't somehow dictates how good or qualified a mother you are. That formula feeding is somehow less better than breastfeeding. And yes, breast milk is very good for your growing baby, but guess what, so is formula. Comments about breast feeding in pubic, are totally unnecessary. If women can walk around half naked and no one cares. Then what is the big deal about someone feeding their child in a public setting? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with it. I don't understand why someone feels the need to comment to a mother who is doing her best to supply nutrients for their child, who is exhausted, stressed, and already nervous about feeding them in public, about it. And to make them feel bad. It serves no real purpose other than showing that you're a hypocritical jerk. A simple kind word to a random person, can change their day. Maybe a smile to someone on the street. Telling someone they look beautiful, even when you can see that they don't feel that way about themselves. Everyone deserves to feel beautiful, to feel valued for more than their appearance. That their struggles will pass and that those around them can show understanding, rather than judgement. Too often we are quick to judge. Either about appearance, personality, experiences they've had, anything that makes a person different in a negative way to our own lives. I catch myself judging people according to some of these things. And for a good portion of them, i am wrong. Not always, sometimes I get a feeling about a person and its not wrong. But that isn't always the case. Anyway, my opinion on this discussion is done. What I really hope to have gotten across is that, not everyone is what you think they are and sometimes we ought to be more kind, tolerant, and understanding.